Closure

The image never left her. It was burned into her memory. Anything even remotely connected to him, made her remember. Each time she remembered, she felt death’s scythe slash into her soul. The nights, after the accident, were restless ones. She would remember everything about him. The way he smiled and the way he laughed were such bright colorful memories. They could cure the world’s great tragedies. Now they brought only fear and dread. Now these memories belonged in the category of great tragedies.

How long had it been since the accident? How long was it since she last spoke to him? Was able to wrap her arms around him and whisper ‘I love you’ ? It felt like an eternity, and eternity is painful without him. She did not know how long. She doubt she ever would find out, or perhaps she just didn’t want to know.

Every night she examined the accident. Each night she relived the pain. Each night she felt the tears freely flow from her eyes. Every night became Hell. She tried many different ways to avoid these thoughts. At first she tried listening to music before she slept, but the songs seemed only to bring out her misery. She found the sorrow in each song, even if it had a happy tone. Perhaps it was the happy ones that brought these memories quicker? She then began taking sleeping pills. She feared that she would become dependent on them. It was a risk she was glad to take. As she lay in the bed, sleep rapidly approaching, her mind would be calm and relaxed. Then right before sleep finally came, she would see his face.

Even when sleep came, she suffered. She would be living through that day. She did not realize it was that day. She went through the days events, not a care in the world. It was not until the two cars colided did she realize it was a dream, and even then she was helpless to stop it. She could do nothing. Her dreams had betrayed her.

Sometimes she would dream of a beautiful day. She would be with him, and the world would seem at peace. Everything fit, and everything made sense. In this world there was no crime, no hate, no disease, only love and peace. If there was a heaven, this was it. But then she would wake up, and that serene peace would vanish. For a moment or two, she would hold onto that peacefulness, but she would look at the picture of him on the night stand. She would cry herself back to sleep, if she was lucky.

The world, the world Amy once loved, became the thing she despised most. What world would deprive her of him? In what world was it OK to rip away your loved ones? To rip away all your hopes and dreams and turn everything you once love into poison. Indeed the world had betrayed her, and she was pissed.

She had support during the day. All her family would came and tried to help her through. Her friends came and they too were supportive. In the day, she had a army of friends. An army that would do anything for her. The days became easier as the weeks passed by. Her friends and family showed unlimited amount of patience and love. The days were made easier, but in return the nights became more fierce.

Amy stood at the entrance to the cemetery. It was the first time being there since the funeral. She wondered if she would ever be able to come and pay her respects. She feared that coming here would bring back the memories and the pain. A light breeze, carrying the scent of summer, caused her dress to dance a little. The day was peaceful and almost perfect. The clouds slowly moved above head as the sun washes the world with its loving rays.

Amy stood there for a long time. Finally she inhaled deeply, and let out a long sigh. She could do this, she told herself. At first her steps were slow, but as she moved towards his grave she started to walk in stride. She looked out into the cemetery. She was in the sea of tombstones. Each stone marked where a person had been put to rest, essentially a sea of bodies. The thought had always disturbed her. Not as much as him being part of it though. As she passed the tombstones, she wondered if anyone visited them. Perhaps they were no longer their, but thats not what coming to a cemetery is about. Its about remembering what they had done. To pay the respects to the Ripples they created.

She finally came to his. She stood at the foot of the tombstone. She bent down and slowly traced his name with her finger. The smile that had found its place on her face amazed her. After the accident and funeral, Amy was certain she could never smile again. She wondered if she would ever be able to enjoy life again. Somehow coming her had given her closure. She wondered if the pain would ever cease, and a part of her wished it would thrive.

She stood up, and stared down at his name. She longed for him now, but she would continue on. What else was there?

John Locke Juergens.

May 30 2009

September 22 2009

Forever Will You Be In Your Mother’s Heart.

(Author’s Note: I was unsure of John’s actual birthdate or his middle name. Depending on what date Amy concieved John, it might actually be more then 9 months. But because I am the master of this story, I say its ok )