Prologue

Mia finally did it. It was nerve-wracking but she finally told Peter she loved him. And he said it back! Which was so, so cool…but didn’t make her feel any better. Because you see, Peter just didn’t seem that into her. Sure he’d show her off, have sex with her, but then whenever he’d see Darcy’s little sister he’d freeze up. Because Darcy just had to be there in spirit anyways.

So yeah, he’s not over Darcy, obviously, but there was something else she found a little…weird. A theory hidden in the back of her mind…Riley. “WHY are they still friends?” she thought to herself. Okay, so technically she told him to stay friends with Riley, but not like this. They hung out at least once a week, ALONE sometimes, and its just like, shouldn’t it be at least a LITTLE awkward? But noooo, Peter was just like “He’s over it, I’m over it, whatever.” And that is a total lie, because Riley still looks at Peter with so much adoration in his eyes, so much…lust. It sickened her.

And another thing! Riley was just a bad person, she was sure of it. Even after he randomly attacked Sav, Peter stuck by him, not even bothering to explain why to Mia. “It’s COMPLICATED” he had said. She desperately wanted him to explain it to her, but he refused.

What scared her the most was seeing them laughing about some inside joke in the hallways, Peter keeling over, putting a hand on Riley’s shoulder for support, and…

Mia thought that maybe, just maybe, Peter would look at Riley the way Riley looks at him.

Chapter 1

Riley was completely out of it. Peter could tell. He was staring off into the distance, not listening to a word the teacher was saying. Not that Riley listened that much in school anyways. He was really smart, but jocks weren’t supposed to be smart. Jocks were supposed to be STRONG, and you obviously can’t be both strong and smart at the same time.

Peter bit his lip and pretended to be jotting down notes.

are you okay?

Peter than coughed and discreetly tossed the note to Riley’s desk, which was right next to his. (There were many instances where the teacher threatened to separate them for being disruptive, but that had luckily yet to happen.) Riley looked down and read the note.

ya i’m fine…why?

You looked weird

o…well i’m fine. swear

well do you want to hang out later? come over and play some video games?

Peter hesitated before passing the note back. It was always weird mentioning video games because. Well. You know.

sure. meet u out front after school

“Have I ever told you your car is insane?” Riley ran his hands up and down the seat.

“Yes, about a million times!” Peter laughed. “The perks of having a guilty rich dad.”

“How is that, by the way?” Riley asked. “Your dad, I mean.”

“He bought me a bass for watching Angel.” Riley snorted.

“Wow. Sucks.”

“Way to be sympathetic!” Peter grinned.

“Well sorry!” Riley smiled back. “Angel. That’s a cool name.”

“Right? She seriously is the sweetest thing now. Mia has given me some great advice.” Riley’s smile fell.

“Well. That’s cool.” Peter awkwardly turned away.

“Home sweet home…” He said as he parked. Just then, a car alarm started going off, and the boys burst out laughing. “Lets go inside.” Peter chuckled.

“You swear you’ve never played this game before?” Peter moaned, throwing his head back.

“Promise! You just really suck, I guess.”

“Not cool!”

“Up for another round?”

“Sure but uh. Can I ask you something first?” Riley’s eyebrows scrunched up in confusion.

“O….kay…?”

“It’s just…if something was wrong, you would tell me, right?” Peter asked. “Like, if something was on your mind?”

“I told you, I’m fine! What is this about?”

“You just seem really…deep in thought all the time. How are…you know…things?”

“Things?”

“Yeah, you know…THINGS.”

“Oh…damn it Peter!” Riley huffed. “I don’t want to talk about the gay thing!”

“I never SAID anything about the gay thing!” Peter retaliated.

“You were thinking it.”

“I…you’re right. I was. So…how’s the gay thing?”

“Screw you.” Riley sighed. “I don’t know. Same old same old.”

“So have you like…accepted yourself?”

“Shut up, Tyra Banks.”

“Tyra Banks? Wow, you really ARE gay!”

“SHUT UP!” Riley smacked his shoulder. “Why do you care so much?”

“Just curious I guess?” Peter hesitated. “So dish. Any…homosexual updates?” Riley blushed.

“Not really…”he muttered.

“You’re hiding something.”

“Look, I thought we made a deal not to talk about that kind of stuff.”

“Well you obviously have a secret and I, as your best friend, want to know!” Peter gave a cheeky grin.

“I don’t want to weird you out.” Riley became even redder.

“Hey. You won’t. Promise. I just want to know what’s going on inside your head.”

“Okay. Its like this…” Riley started. “I’ve sort of…been meeting up with this guy.” Peter froze.

“Oh.”

“It’s nothing big it’s just…I’ve been thinking about it a lot. And I’m more scared than ever.”

“So what, you have a boyfriend?”

“Oh my god, no! No no no!”

“Chill out, I was kidding.”

“Sorry. Really it’s…its nothing. We’re just…fooling around.” Peter froze again.

“Oh.”

“I just…”Riley started to say but then abruptly stopped. “You know what, never mind. There. I told you what was on my mind. Are you happy now?” Peter gulped.

“Yeah…yeah. I’m glad you can trust me with stuff.”

Riley threw his head back and closed his eyes. “I just…don’t know if it feels how it’s supposed to feel.”

“Well like, what do you feel? When you’re with him?”

“Awkward question there, don’t you think?”

“I’m TRYING to help you.”

“Okay well it feels like… I don’t know, good?”

“So…I’m not understanding the problem.”

“Well its like, I’m attracted to him, but I want to be able to have a conversation with him, you know? And whenever I try to talk to him he relates it back to sex, or like, soccer or something.”

“Sounds to me like you want a boyfriend and not just a friend with benefits.”

“God, a boyfriend? That sounds so…gay.”

“Well you are gay, aren’t you?” Long silence.

“Yeah. I am.”

Chapter 2

A/N: Does anyone know the name of the guy Riley hooked up with in Bad Medicine? I don’t remember. Did they even mention it?

Peter nodded as another pause ensued. They tried to get back to their game but it became much too awkward and Riley ended up leaving, making some excuse about having to pick up his sister from a friend’s house (which doesn’t even make sense, because Peter was going to drive him back to his house, which is walking distance from Degrassi.)

Peter threw the controller on the floor and sighed. He ended up falling asleep on the couch.

“Hey!” Riley jumped and turned around.

“Dude, you scared me!”

“Sorry. Wanna hang out today?”

“Again? Don’t you have band practice or something?”

“Sav is grounded and Holly J is sick so Spinner has to work overtime.”

“What about Mia? Don’t you have a date with Mia or something?”

“No? I…are you trying to avoid me?”

“What? No. I just got plans, is all.”

“Plans? What pl-“Just then, the bell rang, and Riley bolted. Like literally, he RAN to class, not even noticing his phone falling out of his locker. “Hey! You dropped your-“But Riley was already out of sight.

Peter’s knee jiggled up and down, Riley’s phone taunting him in his pocket. “It’s personal.” he thought to himself. “You shouldn’t invade his privacy.”

“Yes Peter?” Peter jumped before realizing his hand was raised.

“Uh, may I use the bathroom Ms. Kwan?”

“Today you may, but don’t get used to it. I’d prefer you go before class next time.” Peter didn’t even pay attention as he speed-walked out of the room. Lucky for him, the bathroom was right down the hallway, and he was locked up in a stall in no time. Scrolling through his texts, a recent one caught his eye.

miss u sexy. ravine after school?

Peter’s breath caught in his throat as he went to Riley’s sent texts.

k. remember, tell NO ONE

Peter heard someone walk in and automatically shoved the phone back in his pocket. He went out and mimed washing his hands before returning to class.

Usually Peter looked forward to lunch, but today he did not. He always ate lunch with Mia, but lately he felt guilty looking at her. He didn’t know why.

“Hey, you hear Holly J is sick? We should go to the Dot afterschool.”

“Hm? Oh, I don’t know, I kind of already made plans with Riley.” Peter lied.

“Seriously?” Mia said exasperated.

“”Uh, how about for dinner? We’ll go to the Dot in the evening!” Peter quickly covered. Mia rolled her eyes and sighed.

“Fine.”

“Riley! Wait up! RILEY!” Peter called after him as he spotted him in the hallway. “I have your phone!” That made Riley stop and turn around.

“Oh, thank god!” Riley said walking up to him.

“You dropped it earlier. You ran off before I could give it back to you.” Peter said handing it over.

“Oh. Sorry.” The bell rang again. “Thanks man.” Riley said as he walked off.

Peter started walking to his next class, mind racing. He had a good idea of what Riley was going to do after school today, but he wanted to see it for himself.

But why?

Chapter 3

Peter hid behind the first tree in the ravine, waiting for Riley to pass by. School had ended ten minutes ago; he had to be coming out sometime. Riley was probably waiting for everyone to leave. Sure enough, he heard the rustling of leaves, and finally saw a flash of Riley. Peter made sure to step in time with Riley so he’d think Peter’s footsteps were his own.

“How far into the ravine is this place?” Peter thought. He had been following Riley for what seemed like forever. Riley finally stopped walking and looked around. Suddenly, a figure walked up from the opposite direction. Peter peeked around a tree to get a better look.

“Him?” Peter thought. “Riley’s with HIM? I am way better looking.”

“Hey you,” the mystery boy smirked. Peter didn’t like the look on his face, not at all. The boy slinked up to Riley and put his arms around Riley’s neck. Peter let out a small gasp and quickly covered his mouth.

“Did you hear something?” Riley jerked. The boy chuckled and shook his head.

“Relax, it’s probably a bird or something.” He leaned in. “You’re so cute when you’re nervous.” And then…it happened. Peter wanted to look away but he couldn’t. They were kissing, and Riley had made a little noise in the back of his throat, and this was just too much. Peter desperately wanted to run away, but he couldn’t without making noise. He had to wait it out. “Hey, remember what we tried last week?” the boy whispered.

“Y-you want me to do it again?” Riley stuttered.

“You were a natural at it.” The boy nodded. Riley took a deep breath before…no. No no no no no. Riley was KNEELING. Peter wanted to close his eyes and make it go away, but his eyes were glued open. Riley ran a hand up the boy’s shirt and then began to pull down the boy’s zipper. Peter’s mouth fell agape and he leaned over even farther.

SNAP! Twig broke.

“Who’s there?” Riley jumped up. Peter closed his eyes and stayed perfectly still, in hopes that he would be undiscovered. Footsteps were coming closer and closer…

“PETER!” Riley fumed. Peter hesitantly opened his eyes and shrunk down.

“Hi.”

“WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? DID YOU FOLLOW ME? HOW DID YOU EVEN KNOW I-“he paused. “My phone…you had my phone, you read my texts!”

“Riley-“

“NO!” Riley fumed, stalking off.

“Come back!” That douche bag of a boy Riley was with yelled out. “Can’t he just watch or something? I’m dying here!” Peter rolled his eyes and chased after Riley.

“Riley please, just listen!” Peter yelled after he caught up with him.

“No!” Riley kept walking.

“Just let me explain-“Peter put a hand on his shoulder. Riley quickly turned around and grabbed him by the shirt.

“EXPLAIN THEN! TELL ME THE REASON YOU FOLLOWED ME OUT HERE!”

“I-“

“HUH?”

“I DON’T KNOW!” Peter yelled. “I really don’t know.” His voice softened.

“That’s a really sucky answer.” Riley whispered harshly. Peter could feel Riley’s breath on his face, and his body froze up. His eyes were boring into Peter’s, and he couldn’t look away. Riley looked down at his hands gripping Peter’s shirt, and slowly began to loosen his fingers. Before he could let go, Peter grabbed his wrist to keep his hand there. He was so close to Riley’s face, so close to his mouth… “What are you doing?” Riley whispered. Peter looked down at his hand holding Riley’s wrist, then looked back up and Riley’s confuse face. He shoved Riley away and began to walk backwards.

“Don’t touch me.”

“What? But I-“

“Get AWAY from me!” Peter began to run.

“What the hell?” Riley called after him. “That was all you, man! That was all you!” But Peter kept running, and he didn’t look back.

Chapter 4

Right when he got to his car, Peter whipped out his cell and dialed Mia’s number.

“Hey Peter, what’s up?” Peter tried to catch his breath before he spoke.

“Um, Riley and I aren’t hanging out after all. So we can go to the Dot earlier if you’d like.”

“Oh Peter, I’m sorry, I already made plans with Anya. We’re still on for dinner though right?”

“How about this…how about you come over to my house and I’ll cook for you?”

“Peter, you can’t cook!”

“Remember that casserole my mom made when she visited? She taught me how to make that.”

“Okay okay, fine. I’ll see you at six.” Peter hung up the phone, threw his head back, and continued to pant. He closed his eyes and wished for whatever he was feeling to go away.

Later that night, Peter and Mia made love. And for the first time ever, he thought about someone else. He thought about broad shoulders and scruff, kneeling and wrist grabbing. He thought about the kiss that happened all those months ago, and that is what finally sent him over the edge.

PAGE BREAK PAGE BREAK PAGE BREAK PAGE BREAK PAGE BREAK

“Peter! PETER!” Riley called after him in the hall. Peter picked up the pace and began to walk faster, not looking back. “So what, that’s it? We’re never going to talk about it?” Peter stopped and Riley caught up to him.

“Not here, in front of people.” Peter muttered.

“Well when CAN we talk about it? You aren’t picking up your phone or returning my calls. Whenever I sign online you sign off.”

“God, what are you like, obsessed with me?” Riley’s face froze. Peter instantly regretted his words. “I just want some space, okay? We always hang out, I deserve some time to myself, and-“

“And I deserve answers!” Riley snapped back.

“Look,” Peter sighed. “I don’t know what exactly you thought happened-“

“What I THOUGHT happened?” Riley made a face of disgust and shook his head. “Look who’s in denial now.” And with that, the bell rang, and they went in their separate directions.

Chapter 5

A/N: I realized the last chapter was way too short (it looks longer in Word, okay?) and decided to do two chapters in one night. This will probably seem a bit rushed but I kind of want to get to the lovin already (haha) Enjoy!

It had been three weeks and they hadn’t spoken a word to each other. And to Peter’s dismay, people were noticing.

“Are you and Riley fighting?” Mia asked one day at lunch.

“What? No. Why?”

“You seem to be avoiding each other.”

“Nah. Riley’s just…busy. With stuff.”

“Are you sure? He keeps staring at you.”

“What? Like, he’s glaring at me?”

“No. Not glaring…just staring.” Peter’s mouth hung up before he came back to reality and shook his head.

“It’s probably just a coincidence.” He mumbled. And thankfully, Mia left it at that.

Later that day, Peter walked around the mall, head down. He needed to think, he needed to not be at home, and he needed to not be around Mia. “Why am I doing all of this?” he thought to himself. “Maybe there is something wrong with me…”

And because the world hates him, Peter looked up and locked eyes with…douche bag. He didn’t know his name and he didn’t need to, he would forever be dubbed douche bag. Peter saw recognition cross his face and panicked, beginning to walk backwards.

“Hey!” the kid called. “Wait up!” It was no use. He could not escape. The kid caught up to him and squinted. “You’re Riley’s friend, right?”

“Yeah and…you’re Riley’s douche bag boyfriend.” The other boy’s eyebrows shot up. Oops, did he say that out loud?

“Boyfriend? God, I wish.”

“What?”

“Look, I promise you, I was only showing Riley the ropes. I was someone to talk to, and nothing more.” The boy sighed and shook his head. “Even if I wanted to be with him, he definitely wouldn’t go for it.”

“Is that so?” Peter tried to say casually.

“Yeah. He…liked someone else.” Peter became more interested in the conversation than he was before. He gulped. “There is this boy he always talked about. He wouldn’t shut up about how amazing he was, and how hard he was trying to get over him.” He smirked knowingly.

“R-really?” Peter’s voice cracked. The boy rolled his eyes and leaned in closer.

“Okay listen, he’s obsessed with you. And I know you are crazy about him too.”

“Look, I don’t know what he told you-“

“Told me? Hell, he didn’t have to tell me anything. You showing up randomly while Riley was going to go down on me made the message pretty clear. I’m still mad at you about that, by the way.”

“I was just-“

“Cut the crap, dude. You and I both know that Riley’s a great guy. And if you want to pass that up because you are too afraid to admit that to yourself, than…” he trailed off while walking backwards. “…your loss.” And then he gracefully turned around. Peter watched him walk away until he was out of sight.

PAGE BREAK PAGE BREAK PAGE BREAK PAGE BREAK PAGE BREAK

“What the hell am I doing here?” he muttered to himself. There were plenty of better ways to go about this. But here he was, at midnight, sitting in his car, in front of Riley’s house. “You can do this, “he coached himself, taking deep breaths. Peter picked up his phone and dialed the number. Riley had to still be awake, it was a Saturday night.

“Peter?” a groggy voice mumbled. Peter almost hung up but stopped himself at the last second.

“H-hey. Hey man.”

“What’s wrong?” the voice sounded clearer now.

“Nothing! Why do you think something’s wrong?”

“We haven’t talked in almost a month and you randomly are calling me at midnight.” He made a good point.

“Right, right. Um. About that…can we talk?”

“We are talking.”

“No, I mean…can you come outside?”

“WHAT?” Riley shouted. Peter looked up at Riley’s bedroom window and saw him look out. “Oh my god, you are insane.” Riley hung up the phone. Peter nervously shifted his feet. And then suddenly Riley was at the door, and then walking towards him, in nothing but boxers and a wifebeater. Peter racked his brain and tried to remember the speech he had prepared in the car, but all of that was lost when he locked eyes with Riley for the first time in almost a month.

Chapter 6

A/N: Oh hey, so here I am, a million years later. I had the whole story planned out in my head and then I got bored and gave up. But I know how frustrated I get when an author doesn’t update, so I’m going to attempt to continue. Will be updated sporadically.

“So what do you want to talk about?” Riley said with his arms crossed.

“Um…” Peter took a deep breath. “I just wanted to…apologize. For the way I’ve been treating you.”

“Apology accepted.” Riley said gruffly. Peter gulped and nodded.

“Okay, cool. Later then.” He said turning around.

“You did NOT come here at midnight just for that.” Riley said stopping him. Peter took a deep breath again and cleared his throat.

“I…I don’t know what to say.” He said softly. “Things…things have been feeling a little different between us lately.” Peter struggled to find his words.

“Yes.” Riley stated simply.

“I don’t know what changed but…” Peter took a moment to get a good look at Riley in the moonlight, and he knew there was no denying anything now. “I can’t stop thinking about…you…in a different way than I’m used to…” Riley tried to hide his smile.

“I thought maybe…but I mean, I wasn’t going to say anything…but in the woods-“

“I know. I felt like I had been…holding back? And then in the ravine I just…let go.”

“We almost kind of-“

“I know. I freaked and I’m sorry. But that guy you were with…” Peter trailed off remembering. “I wanted to punch him in the face. I didn’t know him but I instantly hated him. And then I realized it was because…I didn’t want you liking someone who wasn’t me.” Riley continued to fail at hiding his smile.

“He wasn’t anything, though. We weren’t-“

“He told me.” Riley raised his eyebrows. “Today, I ran into him, and he kind of just shoved everything in my face. He made me face reality; he made me see what I was trying to hide from. He made me realize I can’t…hide anymore.”

“Me neither.” Riley breathed stepping closer.

“I don’t want to feel like this.”

“I said that to you. I said that to you a million times and you insisted that it was okay.”

“I guess I feel differently now that it’s actually happening to me. Because the truth is, I DO care what people think, a lot. And Mia-“

“Can you just forget about all of that for a sec?” Riley said stepping even closer. “Everything standing in our way? Can we just pretend that’s not there right now?” Peter swallowed and nodded.

“Okay.” He whispered.

“When we first started hanging out…” Riley whispered back. “And we were playing video games, remember that?”

“I couldn’t forget.”

“Well I…I’m going to try that again, okay?” Peter remained silent. “Just tell me if you want me to stop…” he breathed as he leaned in and their lips met. And this time, instead of pushing him away, Peter pulled him in closer.